Well, I figured it was time to get that insane Sari journal off my front page. I'd been hoping to replace it with the ten truths meme for all of DP's leaders, but I only have four character done when I have 8 or 9 that I want to do before I stick them up. So instead you guys get a whiny post because I have nothing else to offer at the moment, lol. Hopefully I can get them done soon to replace this POS, lol.

Anyways, I've been scarce lately. Haven't been feeling well, just tired and exhausted and constantly stressed. I went back to my college I just graduated from for a week ago so I could visit my cousin who's a senior there. It's awkward to go somewhere that used to be your home and to feel like a complete outsider. Even though my cousin begged me to visit I got ignored most of the week, was in limbo, didn't even know where I'd be staying because she hadn't figured it out. Two of the days she was gone and left me to hang around her room or campus for the most part, because it's not like I have a keycard and can get around campus on my own anymore. That was the awkward part. It's like going back to your home after moving out and realizing your parents changed the keys so your old one doesn't work anymore. Two of my friends were awesome, though. They let me stay with them in their room when I was in limbo for about 6 hours because my cousin was gone and I couldn't get into her room so I had nowhere to go and it was below freezing and nighttime. Good times on that mini vacation, lol.

Got back and two days later we had to put down not one, but two of my pets. Maybe I'm unusual, but I'm a pet person. I'm one of those who cares more about being around animals than being around people. Anyways, my rabbit we had to put down because he had horrific arthritis in his hips and could no longer walk. He was only 5, and he left being his pair bonded bunny (yes, bunnies pair bond for anyone who didn't know that), so now we're left with a really depressed, angry, upset rabbit. The other one was my 20 1/2 year old cat we've had since I was a baby. Man I loved that cat. It was like losing the last tie to my childhood when we had to put him down last week. He was old and sick and of course it was inevitable, but that doesn't make it any easier. Was always one of those pets who, when you were down, you could count on him to show up and climb in your lap and give you love because he just /knew/ that something was wrong. At least, as my mom says, they're sleeping together.

Anyways, I also feel like I haven't been treating my friends right, like I've been ignoring them and treating them badly because my own irritable, depressed mood is causing me to act out against people I really care a lot about. I don't mean to ignore or disappear, I'm just emotionally exhausted and I can't focus and I'm just acting out even though I don't mean to. So I'm sorry to anyone who feels like they've been ignored, or who I've been driving nuts for the last few days with my behavior. Maybe you don't know it, but I swear I know when I'm being lame and fail and irrational, and I feel guilty for it yet can't stop myself.

I also still can't get a job, and my dad's daily berating will never let me forget it. I applied to two jobs I really want yesterday, so hopefully something'll come of that. Anyways, I think that's enough whining and ranting for one day. My problems aren't even that bad, it just feels bad because of the underlying depression that I'm starting to think has been there for, I don't know, a good few months.

Anyways, I guess I just wanted to update, get things off my chest, explain my disappearance and where I've been. If you took the time to read this, thank you. I really do love you all, even if my sucks at lifeness gets in the way of everyone knowing it.